Monday, April 10, 2017

Overcoming Negative Coaching Experiences

Getting a coaching relationship established with someone who has not been
coached before can be frustrating! They may not really see the value of being coached yet. They may never have had a positive experience in anything like this before.  Many will have prior negative experiences or feelings about coaching that first have to be overcome.  They may have had a teacher who was harsh and strict with them, or a parent or auntie who wanted to fix them, etc.   

It can be difficult to get the relationship moving forward in a positive way.  Some of the common experiences I have had are:
- coachees forget their appointments (as someone said- when I call they are out in the jungle somewhere!)
- coachees don't remember their action steps and haven't worked on them at all
- coachees take little initiative in the relationship and I have to be the one contacting and reminding them all the time
- coachees don't seem to be very motivated about being coached or value the time I am giving them

At times when we are seeing this happen,  we need to *filter.  We need to discontinue the coaching relationship and put our efforts somewhere else.  This isn't always the case though.

Here are some tips that have helped me in these situations.
- Be patient and give it time to develop in a positive way.  I like to give it at least 3 or 4 appointments before I give up.  Often after having several positive experiences of friendly, encouraging accountability, things begin to change. 
- Stick to the **coaching chart and give them a quality coaching session by being well prepared yourself.
- Pray for them daily (and all those you train/coach) and send short messages of encouragement or prophetic words, scriptures, etc. to them.  This can really help them know you are not there to correct them, but that you are with and for them.
- Establish a verbal coaching agreement.  Take a bit of time to talk through what their expectations and hopes are from the coaching experience. Share what you are also hoping for and expecting.
- Invite feedback from them.  After a few sessions ask them what they like about your times together and what could be improved to make it more helpful to them.

Don't give up too quickly.  You are learning how to coach and so are they.  

If in the end it just wasn't a good fit and didn't work out, find someone else to invest your time in.  Prayerfully chose a new person and offer to coach and train them.   That is not a failure, it is normal and something all coaches do from time to time. We filter for the fruitful, faithful and focused who we will prioritize giving our time to.

*Filter refers to the process by which we determine who we will continue to train and give our time to.  We watch for those who are applying and interested and doing something and invest more in those, slowly disconnecting from those who are not giving enough time or focus to implementation.
**Coaching chart refers to the simple coaching process we train people in.  If you'd like to have a copy of this chart or more information about how to be trained as a simple coach, write to us at 

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