What Do You Do With Yesterday's Failure?

Embrace failure. Never embrace the lie that you are a failure.  Failures happen.  They are a natural part of life when we are making efforts to do anything.  When we are passive and doing nothing, we don’t fail.  But if we try, if we attempt to change or grow, then we will naturally sometimes fail.

Do failures paralyze or slow you down?  Does your mind jump to the false conclusion that if you fail, you are a failure?  Mine has at times.  It’s one of the enemy’s favorite tricks and a common mental distortion. 

This past week I had failures and I had successes in different areas of my life.  Neither one defines who I am.  Who I am is already established- I am a daughter of the King of Kings, beloved by my Father God, cherished, valued, worthy of love and kindness and an honored one.  Isaiah 43:4 says “…you are precious to me.  You are honored and I love you.” That is who I am!  That is who you are! 

So what do we do when we fail to meet our goals or live up to our own high ideals?  Maybe a personal example from my week can help.
  
This past week one of my unsaved neighbors came to my house and brought me some tomatoes from her garden.  She was sick.  Looking back, I know God brought her to my door.  I wish I would have prayed for her, shared my testimony of healing with her, and taken notice of that opportunity to show God’s love to her and be a witness.  I didn’t.  I pray for her every day (she is on my Lost List), but I choked and failed to do what I wanted to do and what God gave me opportunity to do. 

It is important to acknowledge that we fail as well as succeed in this journey toward living fruitful and obedient lives.  Does that make me a hypocrite or a failure?  The enemy would love me to believe that!  No way!  I’m not a failure.  I’m a human being who sometimes fails and sometimes succeeds in my pursuit of a fruitful and obedient lifestyle as a Jesus follower.  I will not let failures keep me from trying again, or casting vision for others to be bold witnesses of His love.  Instead I will reject condemnation and lies and remember who I am once again.  

I’ll let today be a new day, let this week be a new week and I’ll celebrate and embrace failures as part of the process of growth.  Next time, by God’s grace, I’ll do better.  My Papa God is with me, empowering me, loving me, working through me, changing me, molding me.  As I abide in His love, I will bear much fruit.  Yesterday’s failure doesn’t determine today’s action.  What I believe about who I am does. I'm chosen by God to bear fruit (John 15:16). Today is a new day!

A Key to Multiplication: Train don't Teach

I was speaking in a training program the other day and began to realize how big of a shift God has been bringing in me over the past few years. There has been a pretty dramatic change in what I do when I am invited into a classroom full of people wanting to learn and grow.  I'm still speaking about the same topics, but my mindset has changed a great deal!

The change can easily be defined as a shift from being a Teacher to becoming a Trainer.  What is the difference?

In many ways teaching is easier and more satisfying to my ego.  When I teach, I mostly give information and pass on knowledge.  Its quite easy to feel good about myself when I teach.  If I make a good presentation and everyone likes it, response well, gets excited, well...then it was a success.  I like teaching and there is certainly a place for it.  It is a wonderful spiritual gift that God uses me in.

But, when I began to really look at fruitfulness and the results I was seeing related to my goal of making disciples who make disciples...I saw I needed to change.

I need to be willing to be less of a teacher and more of a trainer.  Trainers are practitioners- they do what they are training people to do.  Trainers demonstrate and model both in the classroom and in the field.  Trainers are learners themselves, not experts, though they are probably some steps ahead of the trainees.  Trainers follow up and check on how things get applied after the classroom period is over.  Trainers work not only on knowledge being passed on, but also on skills. Trainers are careful to keep their training style simple enough that everyone they train can pass on the same material to others immediately. Success for a trainer is when the student/trainee is able to do what they taught and train others to do the same.

When I look at Jesus, I see him mostly training his disciples.  There are those times when he also taught them and passed on knowledge.  But most of the time he was modelling in the field with them, then giving them assignments, then getting a report and training again.  

I believe we will see many more disciples who make disciples result from our "training programs" and seminars if we stop teaching so much and train more.

Do you tend to be more of a trainer or a teacher?

Why Ministering out of your marriage matters

Most of my time is devoted to training people to make disciples who make disciples, to planting churches that plant churches.  Motivating people who call themselves disciples to get active in obeying the command Jesus gave us to make disciples rather than just being content to be a disciple...well, its what I do with 90% of my work or ministry hours.  Its what I'm passionate about. 

Today I returned from a trip to South Asia.  I was so glad to get home after an overnight flight, hours waiting in airports and crazy schedules.  My biggest joy of the day today was getting to share the story of Jesus with a taxi driver who when I asked him said "I have no idea why Jesus had to die" and who said he thought it was impossible for him to go to heaven.  What fun it was to share with him the story of how Jesus came, died and rose again to make a way for him to receive salvation!  Like I said...this is the stuff that I'm usually thinking about and motivated for...this is what excites me! I read some weeks ago the excellent Mission Frontier's article about the important qualities of URGENCY and GRIT in the life of a movement leader (see http://www.missionfrontiers.org/issue/article/the-intangibles-of-urgency-and-grit for the full article). I forwarded this article to those I lead because its so true that these qualities are needed in our lives as we pursue the release of movements among the unreached.

Today, though, I feel impressed to write about something else that is very important in our lives if we are to be disciples who make disciples.  That is ministering out of our marriage or singleness.  I've been influenced here by the writings of Pete Scazzero and his story.  In his books "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" and "The Emotionally Healthy Leader", he tells of his fast growing church where many were coming to Christ daily, but how one day his wife told him she wasn't going to attend his church anymore.  He then writes about his journey of discovery in living an emotionally healthy life and ministering out of that abundance. This is in contrast to the idea of trying to have a growing ministry and separately keeping your marriage and family healthy enough that it doesn't disturb your ministry aims. I'm not trying to write a book review here, though I do recommend Peter Scazerros' books and resources.

What I want to address specifically, is the importance of being what we proclaim, of living the truth of the gospel as we share the story of Jesus with others.  When our own inner lives, when our marriages and families are not places of abundance, life and peace, our message becomes false somehow, weak and possibly even hypocritical.  Its so easy as passionate leaders and church planters to allow our sense of urgency and our determination to reach the God given goals in our lives, to take priority over living the life Jesus died to provide for us.  The article from Mission Frontiers talks about how many apostolically gifted leaders who see movements don't live "balanced" lives.  Instead they are driven by the sense of urgency to reach the lost that makes them look "unbalanced" to the world around them.  This is not wrong.  I fully agree that often what looks "balanced" to others is not what Kingdom "balance" looks like. We need to be careful not to misunderstand this article however.

When there is no life flow in our marriage or singleness, no pleasure, only endurance - you are staying married (or enduring being single) because the alternative is simply not an option-  this is not Kingdom and this is not the gospel.  No, God wants to give us life and life abundant in our marriages, singleness and in all aspects of our personal lives.  He loves us.  Perhaps not really understanding the depth of His personal love for me is why in my own life for so long, I was content to have joy in ministry but little joy in my marriage.  Oh our marriage was "okay," no one thought we had a bad marriage.  We convinced ourselves we were "normal" though "normal" was far from "happy."

My husband and I faced a crisis a number of years ago when we realized how mediocre we had allowed our marriage to become in the name of sacrificing for ministry.  We realized how little life, joy and pleasure we had flowing to us from our marriage, not to mention the pain that seemed to often flow strong.  It was a crucial turning point for us when for several months, we stopped ministry activities and gave ourselves to going deep into resolving the long standing issues, and unhealthy patterns that had gotten us to where we were at that point. 

A key lesson that came out of that time for us was this.  God really wants our marriage to be pleasurable and this needs to be a top priority for us. This pleases Him.  God is made joyful when our marriage brings us joy.  A pleasurable marriage that gives life to us, is actually worship to Him.  He died to make that possible for us and when we live short of that, it grieves His heart.  He is literally sad for us. Do we want to make God sad? No.  Of course not.

In order to see change, we had to change our beliefs about marriage and God's intent.  Out of that belief change came behavior changes as well.  We began to prioritize daily communication that was high quality, we began to see taking time to love one another well as being just as important as sharing good news with someone who had never heard. We went deep, and worked hard on learning new skills of listening to one another and sharing with one another. Joy began to flow into our lives in a new way.  This joy strengthened our passion for the Lost...it didn't weaken it.  This joy showed that there was truly an abundance, a transformation in our lives, a healing of brokeness that we could testify to the truth of.  The disconnect between our message and our inner lives began to come together in new ways.

This blog is getting long, but what I am trying to say here is that its not either or, its both and.  God wants us to have healthy, pleasurable marriages, families, friendships and lives.  This is his natural desire for us as our Father.  He delights when we delight cause He is our daddy.  He isn't only pleased when we produce fruit or sacrifice for him, or wake up at 5 am to pray, or plant a bunch of churches.  He is just as pleased when we enjoy intimacy with our spouse, express our love and affection or take time to really think about what we can do to make our husband or wife feel loved today.  This too reflects His glory and demonstrates His kingdom come to earth.  His kingdom comes when we do this, just as much as when we pray for a paralyzed person and they begin to walk.  Its a sign to the unbeliever that God is alive, AND, even more importantly, it is God's pleasure and will for us!

Let's not think either/or- either I will be passionate for the Lost and give myself fully to the task of reaching the unreached OR I will have a good life, healthy marriage and family.  NO!  Jesus died to provide us with both- lives full of purpose and meaning flowing out of our lives full of pleasure and peace.  Not the world's peace and pleasure, but the kind that comes from the Kingdom invading and transforming all of our lives.

Go share the gospel today with someone who has never heard!  Also, go today and enjoy the wife or husband God gave you. Be a blessing to them! Laugh together.  Do something fun together.  It pleases your Father greatly.

Look Back- Look Forward

It's the beginning of the year and it's my habit to take time to look back (reflect and evaluate) and then look forward (setting goals for the coming year).  I do this related to both my personal life and my life in ministry.  I just got back from a few days away with my family at the beach where I got some time to do this once again.  This important yearly ritual has made a big difference for me both personally and in fulfilling God's call on my life.

Why is it important to look back? Isn't the past the past?  Shouldn't we just put it behind us and live for the new things and the future ahead of us? Its easy to feel that way sometimes.

Looking back gives us a chance to do two important things. We both celebrate and evaluate. When looking back, I ask myself these questions.  Maybe you'd like to use them too.

• What went well last year? Better than I expected?
• What was achieved?
• What was difficult or didn't go well?
• What principles or life lessons did I gain from those difficulties?

I tend to be one of those people who sees the glass half empty instead of half full.  When I look back, my natural inclination is to see all the things that didn't happen, the problems I faced, or areas I failed. Going through this yearly process helps me to see a fuller picture.  Wow, there were actually also a lot of things that went well last year!  Hmmm...and the problems I faced, yes, they were hard, but along with them came some important lessons I learned.  I can apply those principles I learned last year as I think about this coming year.

Ok, so why is it important to look forward then? Why set goals and make concrete plans? Why not just let things happen naturally and "organically"? Let the Holy Spirit be in control, rather than trying to "make things happen"? Yeah, sometimes I feel this way too. Or sometimes I feel tired of setting goals and then being disappointed when I don't achieve them. 

This morning I was meditating on the verse from Proverbs 3:6.  In the amplified version it says, "In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way]." I think we could easily substitute the word in all your ways and say instead "in all your goals...know, acknowledge and recognize Him..." or "in all your plans...know, acknowledge and recognize Him..."

As I look forward I ask myself these questions:

• What did God start to do last year that he wants to continue to build on this year?
• Is there anything new God has on his heart for me this year?
• Is there anything God wants to say to me as I start this year? Any theme or focus for the year he wants to give me?
• What would it really please God to accomplish through me or bless me with this year? 

I think that is part of knowing, acknowledging and recognizing him in all our ways.

For me, goal setting for the new year is about engaging with God, listening to His voice, His desires, and His dreams, with a heart of faith.  It's letting God have a chance to direct my paths for the coming year. 

If you haven't taken time yet as 2016 turns into 2017 to both look back and look forward..its not too late!  Schedule a few hours or a day to set aside and ask yourself and God some key questions.  I think God is just waiting to show you his pleasure and perspective on last year, and his thoughts and desires for the new one.

Limiting Travel for Greater Effectiveness

“The more important you are, the more you travel.” This may not be something we actually say out loud, but the example given by many important leaders (people we respect) can tell us that.  We can start to think that if we are important and if we are a good leader it is natural for us to be “on the road” constantly.  After all, we need to go and teach and speak, visit people, have lots of important meetings all over the place, attend conferences, lead gatherings, etc.  A good leader is gone more than they are home, right?  

No.  Not right!  Or certainly not always right.  

Snowy roads I got to drive on last night!

As I write this, I am, yes...traveling.  This time though, I'm traveling to be with my family at a time of need.  Still, it's travel.  I arrived in America last night right in the middle of a snow storm!  This weekend, many Americans will travel to be home with their families for the festival we call "Thanksgiving."  So, I'm thinking about travel and how much many leaders do it.

There are some big things we sacrifice when we travel a lot.  Some of those costs are worth it.  Others may be too great a price to pay.  We often sacrifice quality time with our family.  The more we are on the road and away, the less we are able to invest in our children and our marriages.  Not only do they miss us, but our wife or husband has to pick up the extra work that comes their way when we are gone.  This is okay sometimes, but when it happens too much, it can be difficult and lead to resentment against the person who is always gone.   

Another big thing we sacrifice is our ability to develop local friendships and relationships.  Over time this affects us in our personal lives and emotional health as well as in our ability to impact people around us in evangelism and discipleship.  Soon, we begin to tell stories of people we led to Christ and disciple a very long time ago, because we simply aren’t home enough to make the kind of relationships needed to do this.  We begin to be leaders who talk about something we don’t do very often ourselves.  That is a big sacrifice!  Maybe too big?

Another thing that too much travel does is it causes us to be less consistent in our routines, spiritual discipline habits, and in following through on what we have told people we would do.  By the time we get back from one trip and start to settle in to our routines, we are off again!  Sometimes this can cause us to spin in circles rather than making progress.  We have meetings and make action steps then forget to do what we said.  

When it comes to coaching and consistent mentoring, travel is a major issue that can decrease our influence and effectiveness.  When I'm traveling, I have a hard time setting aside time to regularly pray for those I am mentoring or coaching, I fail to communicate well with them, long gaps in my contact with them can take place, etc.  Im convinced that one of the greatest hindrances to effective coaching is when leaders travel too much.

A few years ago, my friend (and now our FM Intl Leader) Kevin Sutter told me he had a goal to cut his travel in half and double his influence.  That was a great goal but I wondered how he would do it…if he could do it.  He has!  I’ve watched him be very intentional in limiting his travel in really significant ways, but be faithful to be in quality contact with those he leads.  And his influence has grown.

Yes, its harder in our South Asian face to face culture.  Yes, its true that a visit to someone in their location can mean the world to them.  Yes, it is necessary that we attend many meetings that truly ARE important.  I just wanted to write though and say that it isn’t true that the leader who travels most is most important.  It isn’t true that the leader who chooses to stay home will be less effective and less influential.  Sometimes the right choice is to stay home!  Let’s give ourselves permission to do that.